Ilona Lagowski-Timoszuk

The Promise to My Child

I watch your sleeping face,
Kissing skin on cheeks and shoulders,
Skin on collarbones and fingers.

I don’t think about how you have
Your father’s lips or my gold
And blue eyes, not about how you act,
Or your potential.

I remember my soul.

They left it with you when they cut me open,
Forcing life onto you. They forgot to check
When they stitched me up. It wasn’t there.
It was with you.

One day you made me promise that
I would stay with you forever.
You asked me, What if I die Mommy?

I promised
If you die, I will die too.

I will die too.

I realize I’m holding my breath,
Tasting salt, a tear, a pull in my chest
Where my soul should be. A panic.

I kiss your forehead, listening to you
Sleep, your breaths. You murmur away my worry,
Rolling over, finding me beside you – Life
Sedating the promise I made
                                                            for now