The party was held on-stage, everyone milling about, somewhat sadly, as is usual when a play has completed its last performance.
�Well, that was it,� the aged actor announced to the small group around him. �I just don�t have it any more.� He waved his hand and smiled with professional jocularity. He recognized the half-heartedness of the �Oh, no�s,� and the �Ah, you don�t mean it�s,� that came from the cast and crew members. Nice of them, he realized, but they knew as well as he that memory and concentration lapses are anathema to actors.
�Don�t be silly, Teddy,� Mitzi, one of the dignified character actresses, said to him privately. �We all flub from time to time.�
�Every night?� Teddy said, an eyebrow raised in mock sarcasm.
�You covered it beautifully,� she said. �You always do. I�m sure no one in the audience even noticed it.�
Teddy�s laugh was theatrically broad, but genuine. �They could have gone out for drinks in the time it took me to finally get back on track. I was alone on stage, in a spotlight, for Christ�s sake! What do you mean, they didn�t notice?�
Mitzi�s eyes left his face. She scanned the party, slightly embarrassed.
�I�m sorry, darling,� Teddy said. �I sure as hell don�t want to take it out on you. You�ve been an absolute gem throughout all my screw-ups. I just don�t know what the problem is. Rehearsals were pretty decent, my acting hasn�t waned; it�s just that I go into total white-outs at times, without a clue as to what my next line is.�
Mitzi touched his arm and looked up at him, concern and love showing on her face. �I know how much this bothers you,� she said, �but you can�t just give up theatre. What would you do with yourself?�
He shrugged. �Well, I�ve got a bit of a name. Maybe I�ll try television, or film. At least there if you screw up a line, you just do it over and over again until you get it right. I�ll just have to learn to tone down my actions and expressions. God! Can you imagine? Me, going back to acting school?� He laughed again, joined by Mitzi.
She slipped her arm under his and led him away to the bar. �Look, sweetheart,� she said. �You have more than just a name. You�ve done extraordinary work throughout your entire career. Everyone in the business loves you, wants to work with you. And I,� she added, squeezing his arm with gentle pressure, �have loved you for years, both as an actor, and as a friend. And if that little tryst we had a few eons ago had been a little more—�
�Let�s not go there,� he said quickly, with a look of mock shock on his face. �That was a more embarrassing flub than any flub I�ve ever made in front of a audience. And I loved you—still do—always will.�
�You�re still handsome, even more so with the white sideburns; you�re tall, sparkling, admired and liked by all. If you decide to give up �trodding the boards,� you�ll do very well for yourself.�
�Only problem,� he said quietly. �I�ve discovered that now that I�m well into middle-age, I don�t photograph well. In fact, I photograph lousy! That�s why I�ve been thinking about my options.� He cringed a bit. �I could possibly teach. Or, God forbid, becoming a director!�
�Wash your mouth!� Mitzi said in her most commanding tone, then burst into laughter along with Teddy. Directors were their best allies, as they well knew, the good ones being truly dedicated to steering performers toward greatness.
He took two glasses of champagne from the bartender, handed one to Mitzi. �I certainly know what I like in a director, but can I direct other people? I�ve never been one to give orders. I just take them...or not.�
She smiled. �Yes, I do seem to remember certain...disagreements between you and some un-named no-talents who tried to pull rank. But even they appreciated you later. They realized that you knew more than they did—oh, here�s my driver. He probably couldn�t find a parking space.�
She rose on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. �You keep in touch with me. Do you hear? Let me know what you�ve decided to do. We�ll have lunch together really soon. Ok? Love you—I really do.� She crossed to stage left with a flutter to all the non-revelers, and disappeared into the wings. A temporary exit.
Teddy turned to look out into the audience, the rows of empty seats receding into the darkened house. His whole adult life had played itself out in settings like this, with himself portraying a variety of characters: good, evil, funny, dour—performing. The group behind him grew quieter still, the pretense of enjoyment having grown stale.
�Well, I must be going,� he announced; the word had more meaning for him than ever before. He waved, hugged, kissed and exchanged pointless promises to �get together soon� with any number of colleagues in theatre. He made his way off-stage, then stopped to look back. The party seemed to have mired to slow motion, lights dimmer, sound muffled. He seemed to be no longer a part of it. An outsider.
Memories of his many years in theatre seem to swarm around him, to flit through his mind as clearly as if they were happening for the first time. There were so many roles, successes and occasional failures. Lovers came and went, as did the various actors he had to compete with for the choice parts. There were so many tears, but oh so many more laughs. The scandals and secrets—
Perhaps he�d write a book.